Month: July 2015

I woke early, my brain rattling. My mind blaring away these negative scripts, negation of myself, my vision. All kinds of internal challenges to my dreams.

Why am I so negative with myself, but positive with others? I notice this with others, too. This really puzzles me. I deeply value and encourage the talents of those around me. Why don’t I do that to myself? Why do so many struggle with this?

Then there are those who belittle everyone; the only way they can interact with others. I think these may have common roots. Perhaps it’s easier to negate everything than to seek the positive within oneself. Which really is sad.

Sadly funny how this miserable malaise takes hold. This drags us back, sucking so much potential out of life. Oh, these wretched internal scripts!

Recently, my son started exploring vlogging and video creation. Inspired by the fame acquired by those YouTubers he admires, he focuses on emulating their styles. And on his stats. He finds it frustrating that his follower growth is slow. The expectation, I suppose, was to post a few videos and have followers blaze in.

I constantly reinforce my belief: focus on quality, the followers will follow. Focusing only on stats and followers is much like the high-school kid who makes all their decisions based on maximizing social leverage, that which gains them the most popularity. It’s a short term proposition, and the proverbial “moving target”. Ultimately, you end up shallow and vacuous, with no depth or understanding.

Many times in my career, through my whole life really, this notion comes up. Whether a business struggling to appeal to everyone, or just my own ponderings of why some piece of content hasn’t taken off, I, too, look. Tis a struggle: focusing on quality over effect, upon numbers of views over engagement. It’s a dangerously seductive slide that I hope to help my son manage well, as well as my clients and colleagues. Wish me luck!

A puzzling realization: this desire to retreat from fear. Well, at one level it makes sense: fears represent danger, which one should avoid. But there are things we fear whose only remedy is knowledge. So, knowledge is power, but to gain it we often must face our fears. Ah, yes, winning the battle against reflex! This shows the importance of mindfulness.

One must be awake and in control of the mind. Awareness of those reflexes, and knowing the sad path they lead down is critical. And that’s much harder in today’s world where nimble reaction is highly valued. Taking time for thoughtful reflection is not. We must remember that there are some things that Google doesn’t know. And those are the things that make us the most human. Which makes me think of Replicants and Blade Runner’s symbolism, but that’s a post for another day.

As a parent, I’ve witnessed many moments of adoration by other parents. Last night, at my dojang’s blackbelt awards ceremony (my wife and son both received their belts) I was struck again by parental devotion. Watching my fellow parents, with grandparents, beam with pride at their child’s accomplishment was both delightful, and a little sad.

Decades ago now, I got to do some projects that helped street involved youth. In that process, I heard stories, terrible stories of (dare I say) evil parents. One of my friends from those days, an Episcopal deacon, shared with me once the power of this juxtaposition. We were sitting next to each other at our church’s children’s pageant. She pointed out to me the parental adoration. And her deep experience with it’s opposite. This, as you would expect, colored her view of such events. I have puzzled about this, too, ever since. How does a human get to be so monstrous? Vicious sociological cycles? Some sort of deficiency within genes? But, more critically, I ponder the monumental devastation wrought. And am filled with sadness.

Such thoughts come at these moments of intense love for my son, and the other children around me. And I think about this at mother’s and father’s day. What must it be like to see parental adoration when it’s been denied you?

To not end on such a sad thought, I bring you a few of the many organizations that work to counter-balance the misery. They truly do great and dignifying work.

• Nelly Ali and her work with street children across the globe
• Sanctuary Arts Center, in Seattle’s University district
• Seattle’s Street Youth Ministries