I dig computers
My relentless mind
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p style=”font-family:"”>In perpetual motion
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p style=”font-family:"”>Sleeping’s a challenge
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p style=”font-family:"”>Awake against my will
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p style=”font-family:"”>Dreaming of dreaming
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p style=”font-family:"”>Longing for slumber
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p style=”font-family:"”>The machinery of my mind
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p style=”font-family:"”>Psychological cogs churn and spin
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p style=”font-family:"”>Whirring hum of my soul
The night moving now
It slides up, embracing me
A piano plays
My phone buzzes
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p style=”font-family:"”>A beautiful woman
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p style=”font-family:"”>Who I remember
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p style=”font-family:"”>In diapers
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p style=”font-family:"”>I feel joy
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p style=”font-family:"”>At the blessing
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p style=”font-family:"”>Of my simple
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p style=”font-family:"”>Witness
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p style=”font-family:"”>
His death striking me
Suicide’s painful cruelty
What ate his heart so?
I learned a lot from him
Though we weren’t friends, nor had met
But that’s not the point
His show connected with me
I felt a kinship via his journeys
And deeper knowledge
His travels: unique
He went off the beaten path
A road less taken
His show; self-aware
Acknowledging some deceits
Never caught a fish
No angel was he
A comfort with his darkness
Yet not quite enough
Bourdain won Emmys
And also a Peabody
Awards can’t save us
“Everything” he had
All the pieces he held up
Yet he felt despair
His pain surfacing
After great wealth and great fame
Worse than in failure
So many faiths
Preach there’s more to our lives
Than wealth or our fame
There’s an emptiness
In this life we envision
We must be wary
Exploring passion
Seeking to understand me
And what feeds my soul
One of my mentors challenged me: does my current work fill me with joy, is it what I imagine doing for years to come. I’ve never asked that of myself before. I’ve drifted from job to job. I’ve never had direction or mission in this part of my life.
I will fix that. It is time.
Writing is that joy giving thing. Now what? I’m unsure.
It’s exhilarating and terrifying.
As the rain had passed
This flower’s glory shines forth
And then the light shifts
Sometimes this dreaming
Simply points us the right way
And the rain blessed
A worthless feeling
Are those focused on demeaned?
Seek dignity’s path
These adobe walls
With vibrant reds and deep browns
Feeling the desert
In this morning dark
My mind’s focus telling me
My heart’s deep values
There are times that I think my priorities are “X”. I’ve learned, though, my mind’s focus when I wake tells me the deepest concerns of my heart.
What’s interesting is how often it’s not anything I give focus to during my day. Or i would expect to be secondary.
Sometimes it’s not logical, other times it’s extremely rational.
Sometimes fear, now, though, it’s not. That’s a blessing.