Facing Forward, Pursuing Progress
Evaluating
Are actions aligned with goals?
Deliberate change
Doing some personal evaluation right now. Clarifying my goals: what I want to do, what I want my life to mean. Hard, but necessary, especially when I put everything on the table: nothing sacred, all challenged. Ensuring only what is truly enriching remains.
This kind of work is hard. Rewarding, but hard. Hard to look at decisions and paths thinking “is it time to let this go”? But that’s the only way to keep moving forward.
Life moves at this blur
Days blend together quickly
Cherish these moments
It’s hard at times to keep all this mental motion together. I blink and my son’s taller, the other children around become adults. And I age. Gracefully, I’m sure. But with certainty.
I find it hard at times
As fears creep forth
Snaring my heart
Corrupting my dreams
Distorting logic
Contorting my focus
Into destruction
I don’t understand it’s allure
And why it captivates me
But I shall refuse it’s temptation
And uphold my dreams
Night is now ending
Though the sun has yet to show
Silence is breaking
Though early, it’s time to wake. Life’s demands, well, are demanding. There always something to do, a challenge to meet, life to live.
Taught risk avoidance
Always so vigorously
Hence why fear haunts me
Life’s complexities
Tranquility’s opposite
Argued with moonlight
Each piece beautiful
Each distinctly unique
Each one critical
I’ve long admired that itinerant hippie lifestyle. Â Driving into town within my VW Van, working for a few months raising money for the next leg of the trip. Spending years driving. Wind in my face, windows down, carefree.
Part of the love lingers on. But I’ve left that notion behind. It really doesn’t match my personality.
I found this series on YouTube. Kombi life features folk who’ve done this. They’ve driven this weathered ol Kombi from Peru to Alaska. Quite impressive.
​It’s been a mixed year for me. I started a new job, one that pushed me far outside my comfort zone. As a rather cautious soul, that’s been quite challenging at times to deal with. The frustration of too much to do with constrained time.
I did get to recapture AutoCAD knowledge, then grow and expand that knowledge. I’m looking to continue this growth.
Another frustrating element for me: learning a new job. It’s one thing to expand my knowledge, quite another to learn a new role, where a company depends upon my effectiveness. It’s a rather terrifying sensation. Permitting, working with consultants, governmental representatives and departments had presented a deeper challenge. These organizations often are opaque and arcane. Learning their rules and needs requires delving into Byzantine regulations, laws and opinions. It’s often been murky and confusing. My project management skill set has been helpful. Actually, critical.
More positively, I’ve grown as a martial artist, and my family has done some great stuff. I’ve deepened friendships I valued, and grown to new ones. I’ve also spent the past few weeks studying myself, seeking to deepen my understanding of what brings me joy, what brings me success.
There’s great emotional risk in this research. What if my self-concept, ideas I’ve invested so much energy on, turn out to be bad fits? I realize my internal counterpoint needs to be “why would I want to invest time, emotion and energy into something that robs joy and beauty from my life?” But overcoming negative self-talk scripts is challenging.
So, exploring, growing, developing: that’s my theme right now. What about you? What were your favorite parts of 2017? What challenges will you be facing in 2018?
Germs are in control
Obediently I sleep
Rest eluding me
Ah, fighting germs again. A slow lingering cough my main symptom, a long with my lack of energy.